so..

I am getting the hang of this whole thing & I promised that I would be completely unedited.. but I wanted to open up about me.. my life.. my kids and overall everything.. [warning:: this could be long] haha.. So a child born in the 80's, NKOTB & McHammer pants.. I grew up in Tampa Florida, home of the good ol' boys.. lol.. A daddy's girl & my mother's worse nightmare.. I didn't life anyone particularly except my dad for a very good part of my baby years.. My mother has told me stories of my crying on pointless hours of my life because my dad left to go to the store or work or to see friends.. Of course, I don't remember this.. I was way to young!! I do however remember my parent's divorcing.. I do remember them fighting and I remember moving into a very small apartment with my father.. I can't say exactly why I remember that.. but I can say I remember when a certain someone became a constant visitor, I remember making hotdogs and mac n' cheese on a step stool for my dad and I when I was about 5. I hated every other weekend visits with my mom.. because they felt like no sooner than I got there I had to leave. I felt like I didn't get to see her as much as a girl should. MOVING ON.. I miss Riverhills, Palnez & the good ol' days of not giving a rat's butt what name brand I wore, how my hair looked and what everyone was doing. I was the girl at school whose daddy drove a BIG RED TRUCK.. those were the days. I would be a liar if I told you I am not pissed at my dad still to this day.. I had a different lifestyle growing up and he had no idea.. he didn't look, read signs or to this day to I think he even cared. I miss being a daddy's little girl but I have to say that I am who I am because of how I was raised.. I will make sure that my kids never have to go through things that I went through. I will make sure they know their grandparents on a regular basis. I miss my grandfather so much and I feel like I didn't get to see him enough before he passed away because my dad's head was to far up his own ass for his own good. We should have been there more. We should have visited more than once every 6 months. Why does he do that? I just don't get it. Where are his priorities? I look at my grandmother and I see a ROCK she is absolutely the glue that keeps us all in shape.. I can only hope to have the patience this woman has with my 2 kids that she had with her 6. I don't know how she did it.. I don't but I will find out & I will do the same.

Ok Ok.. im a little scatterbrained tonight... but my fingers are typing as fast as my head is thinking...

Where was I? Moving in with my mama at 12 was potentially the biggest and best thing that I ever did. She was there to see me through all the "hard" girl stuff, THANK GOD. She became my best friend but she always made that line very clear of being mom and being a friend. Sixth grade came shaving, my first b/f.. who my mother broke up with for me the same day he asked me out.. because he scared the living shit out of me.. came my second boyfriend.. friends I will never forget & a moment in time where I can not believe I wore some of the stuff that I did.. Can you please tell me mom how the hell you let me out of the house with my hair like that.. and those Nike track suits? OMG.. haha.. I was a good kid though.. I can say that I didn't do a eighth of the things that my friends did.. Mom moved us to a much brighter side of town.. which I hated for the first month.. because they did not, absolutely did not, wear the clothes that I was wearing and didn't do their hair the way I did. This is when I was introduced to Reefs, Abercrombie & Fitch and American Eagle.. This is when my mother went broke.. LOL.. I started getting my nails done, hair done and even wore khakis.. [that was a reining moment for my mother.. she couldn't have been happier :o)]..

High School is where I met Andrew. We were both 16 and we went to different schools. He was a friend of a friend and I couldn't have been more intrigued by this shaved head, brown eyed boy. He just absolutely melted my heart from the moment I met him. I came home that day and told my mom, I met the boy I was going to have babies with.. after getting married, OF COURSE! I told her this.. showed her a picture and she agreed. Here we are 8 years later, 3 years married, and 2 amazing little babies.

It hasn't always been easy with us. We have had our ups and downs. We battled being in different schools, different friends and work loads. And when we thought we had gotten it all settled.. his mom became very ill and later passed away from Cancer. It was by far the saddest day in my life, other than the day my gpa passed. She was like a mother to me. She and I would stay home together while Andy was at school and sew.. we would talk & she told me I was the daughter she never had. I miss her so much. Although she is an angel I wish my kids got the opportunity to meet their other grandmother. If thats not the hardest thing to get over..we also moved to Michigan without the approval ever being stated by my dad. He didn't want me to go and he made it clear.. and made it even more clear how he hated the idea the day I called him to come home.. he was there 18 hours later to move us home. Andy and I have always had a pretty solid relationship. Afterall he is my best friend. Despite people thinking we were to young we got married at 21. It was the happiest day of my life.. up until having my babies.. and maybe we did that a lot faster than most would have wanted us to do too.. but you know what.. God has a plan. And this was my plan. To be married early.. and have babies early. I have always wanted to be a mother but I never ever in my life ever thought I would have two of the most amazing babies ever! They are the light of my life.. They make me smile on the darkest of days and they got me through some of the roughest months from December 08 to Feb 09. If it wasn't for my daughter smiling and starting to walk, run, saying Mama, cutting teeth & making me laugh daily I don't really know how I would have survived. We all make mistakes and some of us make them a little bigger and hurt a lot harder.. But in the end.. we have to learn from our mistakes and I would like to think that Andrew and I have both learned from ours.

Until next time..