Its been almost 3 weeks..

Since I last posted a blog on this site. What can I say two children, a crappy laptop & life keep me a little busy sometimes?! I am feeling like I am once again on the outskirts of certain relationships again & not so much apart of the that whole circle anymore but thankfully though I have a great friend base that I don't get to see very often but they do remind me to get away from life every once in awhile! I have been taking Hayden to the pool lately to work on the swimming like a big girl situation and I must say.. HOLY crap I think it scares me worse than her not knowing how to swim at all. She officially walked right into the beach today.. completely by herself, no floaties and insisted on swimming solo.. I was about 5 seconds away from a severe heart attack.. but she did amazing..She did her first sleep over a couple of weekends ago with her Grandpa.. who was super excited to call and tell me that she "pooped in her swimmy" in the pool.. LOL.. I don't know if it was excitement or pure "OMG" moment.. of the OH HELL why me?!?!?!? I laughed and asked if he had enough and I needed to pick up my walking, talking, poop machine..And of course I got the UH NO.. she is just fine. Along with that Grandpa also surprised me with two very blue gallons of paint and said here you go.. get the nursery finished.. I was covering the most disgusting color ever.. think.. green almost black army throw up.. yep you got it... :) Which has now been turned into 1/2 pink... 1/2 blue oasis. Pretty pink flowers and green polka dots and a Nautical retreat on the other half. Might I say.. 2 whole nights, 2 gallons of primer, 2 coats of primer later.. oh and dont let me forget... 2 coats of every color BUT the navy.. that took 4.. later I am very proud of myself. Its amazing! Gunnyr is officially not a little ball of nothing.. he is 24 1/2 inches long & 13 pounds and only 4 months.. Hayden is 22 pounds and 28 inches long at 16 months.. yep you aren't reading it wrong his is only 3.5 inches shorter than her.. I have a tall boy on my hands!! He is smiling a lot, has found his hands, sucks his thumbs.. attempting to roll over, cooing & making me absolutely over joyed with having the two of them! Hayden is a little more of a hand full now but it all goes with age. She now likes to tell you where your eyes are .. as if you don't know she also likes to locate them for you.. with a nice poke straight to your eyeball.. nevertheless.. life with these two is nothing short of astonishing.. I have a weightloss report .. I am about 3 pounds away from loosing 60 whole pounds. I feel great.. never better but I have been slacking a little. I am going to get back on my horse this week though. Because I still have some of the problem areas that I want to correct. (arms, tummy & thighs.) But I will say I went to the beach and I strutted my stuff in a two piece.. (keep in mind,, it was a far away beach.. no one there but old people & absolutely NO ONE that I would have known!!!!)

In hiding..

Well the past couple of days I have been in hiding. Redirecting most, if not all, of my time to my little ones. Hayden is really becoming her own lately and it really makes me sad sometimes. She is really starting to "talk". It isn't in our language but that known as baby gargle. You can understand her most of the time with things she always says.. luv u, juice, cuppie, mommy, daddy, bubby, bobo, tank ew, nite nite, eyes, nose, toes, button. But it seems like daily she makes me really turn around and think to myself.. did she really say that. Just like Monday night we were putting her to bed.. normal routine.. we ask if shes ready to go nite nite.. she responds NO.. yet shes attmepting to climb the stairs to get to her room.. upstairs we give a bath, put on pjs & read a book to her. Well Monday night was different. I just jokingly said ok say NITE NITE MOMMY.. and without a beat & clear as day..Hayden says NITE NITE MOMMY, uv u. I looked at Andy and he looked at me .. and I said OH MY. Andy then turns to her and says SAY NITE NITE DADDY.. she doesn't miss a beat... NOPE. LOL. I will not lie.. my heart was a little warm, with an awe feeling.. she loves me finally! LOL. I do know she loves me but from what seems like birth she has been what most of us girls are.. but times 10. Sometimes I felt like she hated me.. She would cry when he left, say dada ALL DAY. and say uh no to me about everything!.............. Well her knew thing is being a little mama herself. Grandpa bought her a babydoll.. Baby Alive to be exact.. (and I must say.. this doll pees & poops) Thank GOSH Hayden doesn't know that yet. She does realize she has a diaper on, has a bottle with milk & one with juice & has a spoon with medicine. Baby also has a baby thermometor.. which Hayden attempts to do up the butt.. (yeah, so shes seen me take her bubbys temp, rectal.. oops!) who knew she would do that? I have since noticing it this morning, taken her and Gunnyrs temps via armpit! Life around the house has been fun & nothingless than entertaining but life in the family has finally quieted down. Time heals all wounds, I guess. But who knows. Working tonight! And then meeting up with my friend Christina for a few rounds of boot scoot & boogieing! I was a little hesistant to go out again on a Thursday I don't want to be known as a bad mom or what not but Andy put it in one sentence that made me feel better, "You need to get out and be alone, you are with the kids all day and you need to get away to keep sane!" Who am I to disagree? :) Until Later.. xo

When I say..

that this is me unedited.. that is what I mean BUT I guess I still will ALWAYS have to clear what my intentions/feelings truely are. I made this site so that I could let go. I have recently seen a doctor about being stressed/nervous.. and feeling crazy! I have two very small children whom I love to death but they do stress me out. They both can make me a little on the edge so I have a little assistance.. with Zoloft. It takes a lot for me to write that on here because its something I hate to say because I certainly feel like a "failure". I feel like I can't handle my life.. or I should say I feel like if I tell people I am on it that people think that I can't handle my life.. I can I just need a little HELP! :)

My LAST BLOG.. says that "some are more maintence than others.." and it was apparently taken to heart and taken in COMPLETELY wrong.. wasn't at all pin pointed at ANYONE or TWO people .. it was PINNED at the WHOLE FAMILY! Saying that "some families" are more maintence than others.. included are my husband and I & our kids. It meant that our whole family needs a little more TLC to do ABSOLUTELY anything.. so word to the wise, for those that read this.. if you have QUESTIONS.. call the person writing this.. don't go talking about it amongst urself with others and getting completely pissed off about N O T H I N G!

:) This is weekend we went to Daytona.. I will write about that stressful vacation tonight as soon as I upload the pictures!! Until later.. xo.."FAMILY.. YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM.. CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM" either way YOU LOVE EM'