Its been almost 3 weeks..

Since I last posted a blog on this site. What can I say two children, a crappy laptop & life keep me a little busy sometimes?! I am feeling like I am once again on the outskirts of certain relationships again & not so much apart of the that whole circle anymore but thankfully though I have a great friend base that I don't get to see very often but they do remind me to get away from life every once in awhile! I have been taking Hayden to the pool lately to work on the swimming like a big girl situation and I must say.. HOLY crap I think it scares me worse than her not knowing how to swim at all. She officially walked right into the beach today.. completely by herself, no floaties and insisted on swimming solo.. I was about 5 seconds away from a severe heart attack.. but she did amazing..She did her first sleep over a couple of weekends ago with her Grandpa.. who was super excited to call and tell me that she "pooped in her swimmy" in the pool.. LOL.. I don't know if it was excitement or pure "OMG" moment.. of the OH HELL why me?!?!?!? I laughed and asked if he had enough and I needed to pick up my walking, talking, poop machine..And of course I got the UH NO.. she is just fine. Along with that Grandpa also surprised me with two very blue gallons of paint and said here you go.. get the nursery finished.. I was covering the most disgusting color ever.. think.. green almost black army throw up.. yep you got it... :) Which has now been turned into 1/2 pink... 1/2 blue oasis. Pretty pink flowers and green polka dots and a Nautical retreat on the other half. Might I say.. 2 whole nights, 2 gallons of primer, 2 coats of primer later.. oh and dont let me forget... 2 coats of every color BUT the navy.. that took 4.. later I am very proud of myself. Its amazing! Gunnyr is officially not a little ball of nothing.. he is 24 1/2 inches long & 13 pounds and only 4 months.. Hayden is 22 pounds and 28 inches long at 16 months.. yep you aren't reading it wrong his is only 3.5 inches shorter than her.. I have a tall boy on my hands!! He is smiling a lot, has found his hands, sucks his thumbs.. attempting to roll over, cooing & making me absolutely over joyed with having the two of them! Hayden is a little more of a hand full now but it all goes with age. She now likes to tell you where your eyes are .. as if you don't know she also likes to locate them for you.. with a nice poke straight to your eyeball.. nevertheless.. life with these two is nothing short of astonishing.. I have a weightloss report .. I am about 3 pounds away from loosing 60 whole pounds. I feel great.. never better but I have been slacking a little. I am going to get back on my horse this week though. Because I still have some of the problem areas that I want to correct. (arms, tummy & thighs.) But I will say I went to the beach and I strutted my stuff in a two piece.. (keep in mind,, it was a far away beach.. no one there but old people & absolutely NO ONE that I would have known!!!!)

In hiding..

Well the past couple of days I have been in hiding. Redirecting most, if not all, of my time to my little ones. Hayden is really becoming her own lately and it really makes me sad sometimes. She is really starting to "talk". It isn't in our language but that known as baby gargle. You can understand her most of the time with things she always says.. luv u, juice, cuppie, mommy, daddy, bubby, bobo, tank ew, nite nite, eyes, nose, toes, button. But it seems like daily she makes me really turn around and think to myself.. did she really say that. Just like Monday night we were putting her to bed.. normal routine.. we ask if shes ready to go nite nite.. she responds NO.. yet shes attmepting to climb the stairs to get to her room.. upstairs we give a bath, put on pjs & read a book to her. Well Monday night was different. I just jokingly said ok say NITE NITE MOMMY.. and without a beat & clear as day..Hayden says NITE NITE MOMMY, uv u. I looked at Andy and he looked at me .. and I said OH MY. Andy then turns to her and says SAY NITE NITE DADDY.. she doesn't miss a beat... NOPE. LOL. I will not lie.. my heart was a little warm, with an awe feeling.. she loves me finally! LOL. I do know she loves me but from what seems like birth she has been what most of us girls are.. but times 10. Sometimes I felt like she hated me.. She would cry when he left, say dada ALL DAY. and say uh no to me about everything!.............. Well her knew thing is being a little mama herself. Grandpa bought her a babydoll.. Baby Alive to be exact.. (and I must say.. this doll pees & poops) Thank GOSH Hayden doesn't know that yet. She does realize she has a diaper on, has a bottle with milk & one with juice & has a spoon with medicine. Baby also has a baby thermometor.. which Hayden attempts to do up the butt.. (yeah, so shes seen me take her bubbys temp, rectal.. oops!) who knew she would do that? I have since noticing it this morning, taken her and Gunnyrs temps via armpit! Life around the house has been fun & nothingless than entertaining but life in the family has finally quieted down. Time heals all wounds, I guess. But who knows. Working tonight! And then meeting up with my friend Christina for a few rounds of boot scoot & boogieing! I was a little hesistant to go out again on a Thursday I don't want to be known as a bad mom or what not but Andy put it in one sentence that made me feel better, "You need to get out and be alone, you are with the kids all day and you need to get away to keep sane!" Who am I to disagree? :) Until Later.. xo

When I say..

that this is me unedited.. that is what I mean BUT I guess I still will ALWAYS have to clear what my intentions/feelings truely are. I made this site so that I could let go. I have recently seen a doctor about being stressed/nervous.. and feeling crazy! I have two very small children whom I love to death but they do stress me out. They both can make me a little on the edge so I have a little assistance.. with Zoloft. It takes a lot for me to write that on here because its something I hate to say because I certainly feel like a "failure". I feel like I can't handle my life.. or I should say I feel like if I tell people I am on it that people think that I can't handle my life.. I can I just need a little HELP! :)

My LAST BLOG.. says that "some are more maintence than others.." and it was apparently taken to heart and taken in COMPLETELY wrong.. wasn't at all pin pointed at ANYONE or TWO people .. it was PINNED at the WHOLE FAMILY! Saying that "some families" are more maintence than others.. included are my husband and I & our kids. It meant that our whole family needs a little more TLC to do ABSOLUTELY anything.. so word to the wise, for those that read this.. if you have QUESTIONS.. call the person writing this.. don't go talking about it amongst urself with others and getting completely pissed off about N O T H I N G!

:) This is weekend we went to Daytona.. I will write about that stressful vacation tonight as soon as I upload the pictures!! Until later.. xo.."FAMILY.. YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM.. CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM" either way YOU LOVE EM'

I've come to some realization..

That in life there is ABSOLUTLELY no way to make EVERYONE happy. This will be the last time I even try to plan anything as a "whole" family. It ALWAYS starts off with open skies, big hearts, great plans.. but ... always ends up with dark, gloomy skies just days before we leave. Like we are jinxed to not be able to go and make any plans without some obnoxious arguments and a absolute pissing match. I've come to realize some are just more maintenence than others. :) Anyways.. This weekend was a blast by far.. This is the first weekend ever.. well not ever.. but the first weekend in nearly two years that I have actually gone out with just the girls.. with out reasoning.. (like a bachlorette party or what not). I went on an actual 'girls nite out'... you know.. like what you hear the theme song.. GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN..This weekend has been filled with all Heather's.. Thursday was Heather M. night.. her and I went to high school together.. and then Heather L. & Heather S. and I all worked together at the wonderful shit hole called D.R. Horton. :) My girls night was nothing short of amazing.. line dancing, $12 all you can drink & a mechanical bull.. YEAH I NEVER GOT ON THERE.. I did say I would if they had a camera to capture my adventure.. but my Melon Balls, Kamakazi's, Buttery Nipples & Jolly Rancher shots.. did not give me enough liquid courage.. sorry girls :( ... Tonight I made a new recipe on my long list of "wants" .. it was chicken in pancake batter.. seasoned.. AMAZING.. but I was very scared so at last minute in the oven I threw some Italian dressing on it.. Because EVERYTHING tastes amazing baked in Italian dressing, I must say. So I guess I actually cheated.. I didn't make the real recipe. I made my own.. LOL.. Hayden & Gunnyr were amazing today as always.. Hayden has cut all four molars so she is officially not so grouchy now.. THANK GOODNESS!!! T-Minus 2 days we leave for vacation.. if you want to call it that.. 4 days hopefully filled with LOVE & Fun.. UNTIL NEXT TIME.. xo

Swim little Fishy, SWIM..

Living in Florida all of our little ones should know how to swim, when they are little. Hayden is just shy of 16 months and can not get enough of the water.. whether it be the pool, the beach or the tub. She is my little fishy. We started off with the baby rafts.. and that lasted about 3 times.. after that she wanted to be in the open water.. ALONE.. so we went and found level one floaties & ever since then she has been so happy. She kicks her legs, tries to move her arms (the floaties are almost longer than her whole arm!!) and she also has learned how to float on her back but of course with the "Hayden" flair.. LEGS CROSSED.. anyone who has been around Hayden knows she only sits on you or the floor with her legs properly crossed. So its only right that she crosses her legs while floating!! Such a proper little one, I might say! Well yesterday I took her to the pool, like I have been doing, atleast 3 times a week and she started jumping off the side.. and we even did some swimming and playing without the floaties.. a couple of underwater swimming fiascos but even still she was all about being in the water.. I am so proud..

:)

Hayden is officially going to be my short child and Gunnyr will be my taller one. He is only 11 weeks today and he is officially 24inches tall.. My daughter who is 16 months is only 28 inches tall.. OMG. He will be taller than her by 2!! And the "Are they twins questions?" shall begin!

:)

I decided to take off from my Tae Bo madness last night and go out with a friend to our local country club, THE BULL.. and do some line dancing.. all prepared in my sandals, jeans and tee.. LOL.. I am the friend everyone says. .ARE YOU SERIOUSLY WEARING FLIP FLOPS TO DANCE? umm yes! I can do anything in my flip flops, THANK YOU! Line dancing in a large facility with what seems like TONS of people.. makes you sweat.. burn calories, burn fat, tone muscles and not even know it! I feel wonderful today!!

:)

As for yesterdays current events.. RIP Farrah Fawcett... absolutely by far one of the most amazing, beautiful and greatest actresses of all time. She will truly be the angel she was here on earth in heaven! I just wish we would find a cure to cancer. It has hit to close to home for its own good to me. I lost my mother in law at a very young age of 41 to Breast..turned to Bone cancer. A cousin whom had numerous different cancers at the age of 29 and an Aunt who thankfully beat cancer. It has come to me too.. I have to be watched also because I have precancerous cells on my cervix. So I am monitored every 6 months in hopes that nothing comes of it. I want to be here for my children, I want to see my children grow, graduate high school, college and get married and have children of their own. Maybe this is looking to far into it but still.. theres alway a possibility.. And of course I have to comment on Michael Jackson.. yes yes he made great music at one point in time.. but he turned into a complete crazy person.. Who if he hadn't died yesterday adn you talked about him on Wednesday you would have commented on how he was a child molester and how he skipped out on jail due to this status and money.. im sorry I just don't get the "ICON" symbol people are saying.. Farrah Fawcett should be the breaking news.. not this creeper that molested little boys and got off scotch free. Personally I have a little boy and I feel for the little boys whom where touched or even around MJ long enough to be bothered by him. So yes MJ might have been the KING OF POP in the 80's early 90's before the wackiness now known to be him.. but hes turned into a cook, who waved a baby over a balcony.. REMEMBER THAT? well RIP MJ.. may you be turned back in the innocent black man you once were and not the bleach bound, plastic surgery disaster you became!

:)

Well Hayden seems to be getting hungry.. So I guess its time to make lunch and send her off for her nap.. hmmmm I see a little bit of quiet in my near future.. OR LAUNDRY.. lol.. GOSH it's never ending!!

Until Later..xoxo

2 mini cupcakes, a swig of sweet tea & a tiny handfull of chocolate covered raisins...

Gives you Hayden's version of an Indian Rain Dance.. 20 minutes long, leaving your abs feeling like you haven't worked out in years.. She by far can keep me entertained for hours :) especially on a sugar high.. studder stepping in circles, one arm up in the arm.. chanting oooohhhoooohhh.. LOL.. to freaking cute.. she makes me laugh again.. just thinking about it. And if I wasn't laughing so hard I might have thought to grab the video recorder.. ten steps away.. sorry.. forgot! The night is coming to an end.. speghetti is completely gone.. both kids are in bed and my house stayed cleaned for approx 10 minutes.. and all I can hear is the Tampa Bay Rays game in the background... And Andrew snoring. :) it's the little things in life that make it worth it! :)

This is week is going to be so much fun.. work tomorrow... well a call in tomorrow, off Friday and Both of my friends.. Heather M & Heather L are coming over.. one to go to the pool with me and the kids and the other to come and visit from GA with her kiddos! I can not wait. Andrew will be at the Rays game Friday night with his cousin, compliments for his dad's season tickets.. Saturday I work at night.. and Andy will be at the game again! HMM reminder.. find a babysitter.. LOL.. and Sunday I work again.. and MONDAY AND TUESDAY AND WEDS... hmm starting to sound like I have a job :) But I can't wait we are going to Daytona Beach come Thursday morning(July 2nd) with family.. LOTS of family to be exact.. Both brother in laws, a sister in law, a neice, 4 cousins, 3 second cousins.. did you count that.. thats 9 adults and 6 kids.. holy moly.. all in 2 rooms!! Gotta love it!! It shall be fun!! I will post lots of pictures from our overcrowded hotel rooms! well im goin to go for now.. i have got to finish the kids laundry!

Until later.. xo

Just another day..

Well it is Wednesday and I am actually off the whole day. So far the children and I have spent some much needed quality time together playing with loud and overly obnoxious toys! Of course Hayden is enjoying it much more than Gunnyr at this point.. He likes to sleep now more than anything!! :) Hayden has already gone up to take her nap & I have managed to get all but one load of laundry done and all but the floors finished downstairs. Once Miss Hay wakes up I will begin to clean the upstairs while she eats her lunch! Hopefully she enjoys her chicken, fries and fruit long enough to get most of it done before she decides shes finished!! On the agenda today.. is to go the weight doctor when Andy gets home and do my weekly weigh in.. For those that don't know I have been successfully using the Medi Weight Loss diet since the birth of Gunnyr. I wanted to breastfeed Gunnyr but he didn't take well so we went to formula feeding and I started immediatly dieting. To this current day before weighing in I have lost a whole 50 pounds and feel like a much different person. Not only because everything in my closet is merely falling off but this is the first time in a very long time that I have been very active in working out and very active on eating healthy. I believe that its life changing. I really hope that I can keep it up and I hope to lose around 15 more. Well this is all for now. I hear my princess upstairs.. shes AWAKE!!! OH NO there goes my clean house!! :)

Until Later.. xo

so..

I am getting the hang of this whole thing & I promised that I would be completely unedited.. but I wanted to open up about me.. my life.. my kids and overall everything.. [warning:: this could be long] haha.. So a child born in the 80's, NKOTB & McHammer pants.. I grew up in Tampa Florida, home of the good ol' boys.. lol.. A daddy's girl & my mother's worse nightmare.. I didn't life anyone particularly except my dad for a very good part of my baby years.. My mother has told me stories of my crying on pointless hours of my life because my dad left to go to the store or work or to see friends.. Of course, I don't remember this.. I was way to young!! I do however remember my parent's divorcing.. I do remember them fighting and I remember moving into a very small apartment with my father.. I can't say exactly why I remember that.. but I can say I remember when a certain someone became a constant visitor, I remember making hotdogs and mac n' cheese on a step stool for my dad and I when I was about 5. I hated every other weekend visits with my mom.. because they felt like no sooner than I got there I had to leave. I felt like I didn't get to see her as much as a girl should. MOVING ON.. I miss Riverhills, Palnez & the good ol' days of not giving a rat's butt what name brand I wore, how my hair looked and what everyone was doing. I was the girl at school whose daddy drove a BIG RED TRUCK.. those were the days. I would be a liar if I told you I am not pissed at my dad still to this day.. I had a different lifestyle growing up and he had no idea.. he didn't look, read signs or to this day to I think he even cared. I miss being a daddy's little girl but I have to say that I am who I am because of how I was raised.. I will make sure that my kids never have to go through things that I went through. I will make sure they know their grandparents on a regular basis. I miss my grandfather so much and I feel like I didn't get to see him enough before he passed away because my dad's head was to far up his own ass for his own good. We should have been there more. We should have visited more than once every 6 months. Why does he do that? I just don't get it. Where are his priorities? I look at my grandmother and I see a ROCK she is absolutely the glue that keeps us all in shape.. I can only hope to have the patience this woman has with my 2 kids that she had with her 6. I don't know how she did it.. I don't but I will find out & I will do the same.

Ok Ok.. im a little scatterbrained tonight... but my fingers are typing as fast as my head is thinking...

Where was I? Moving in with my mama at 12 was potentially the biggest and best thing that I ever did. She was there to see me through all the "hard" girl stuff, THANK GOD. She became my best friend but she always made that line very clear of being mom and being a friend. Sixth grade came shaving, my first b/f.. who my mother broke up with for me the same day he asked me out.. because he scared the living shit out of me.. came my second boyfriend.. friends I will never forget & a moment in time where I can not believe I wore some of the stuff that I did.. Can you please tell me mom how the hell you let me out of the house with my hair like that.. and those Nike track suits? OMG.. haha.. I was a good kid though.. I can say that I didn't do a eighth of the things that my friends did.. Mom moved us to a much brighter side of town.. which I hated for the first month.. because they did not, absolutely did not, wear the clothes that I was wearing and didn't do their hair the way I did. This is when I was introduced to Reefs, Abercrombie & Fitch and American Eagle.. This is when my mother went broke.. LOL.. I started getting my nails done, hair done and even wore khakis.. [that was a reining moment for my mother.. she couldn't have been happier :o)]..

High School is where I met Andrew. We were both 16 and we went to different schools. He was a friend of a friend and I couldn't have been more intrigued by this shaved head, brown eyed boy. He just absolutely melted my heart from the moment I met him. I came home that day and told my mom, I met the boy I was going to have babies with.. after getting married, OF COURSE! I told her this.. showed her a picture and she agreed. Here we are 8 years later, 3 years married, and 2 amazing little babies.

It hasn't always been easy with us. We have had our ups and downs. We battled being in different schools, different friends and work loads. And when we thought we had gotten it all settled.. his mom became very ill and later passed away from Cancer. It was by far the saddest day in my life, other than the day my gpa passed. She was like a mother to me. She and I would stay home together while Andy was at school and sew.. we would talk & she told me I was the daughter she never had. I miss her so much. Although she is an angel I wish my kids got the opportunity to meet their other grandmother. If thats not the hardest thing to get over..we also moved to Michigan without the approval ever being stated by my dad. He didn't want me to go and he made it clear.. and made it even more clear how he hated the idea the day I called him to come home.. he was there 18 hours later to move us home. Andy and I have always had a pretty solid relationship. Afterall he is my best friend. Despite people thinking we were to young we got married at 21. It was the happiest day of my life.. up until having my babies.. and maybe we did that a lot faster than most would have wanted us to do too.. but you know what.. God has a plan. And this was my plan. To be married early.. and have babies early. I have always wanted to be a mother but I never ever in my life ever thought I would have two of the most amazing babies ever! They are the light of my life.. They make me smile on the darkest of days and they got me through some of the roughest months from December 08 to Feb 09. If it wasn't for my daughter smiling and starting to walk, run, saying Mama, cutting teeth & making me laugh daily I don't really know how I would have survived. We all make mistakes and some of us make them a little bigger and hurt a lot harder.. But in the end.. we have to learn from our mistakes and I would like to think that Andrew and I have both learned from ours.

Until next time..

hey..

So I decided that I wanted to start a blog only because I don't get to see certain family members as often as i'd like & I don't always have the time to sit down and write emails. I feel sometimes that I am left out of the loop with certain parts of the family only because I don't have that time anymore. But another reason is.. because sometimes I just need a place to write my feelings, my day, my problems or just blab... I am home most of the time by myself with two of the most amazing little babies ever.. and I only get away from my life for about 6 hours at a time 3 or 4 days a week. It's called ADULT TIME for me.. WORK for everyone else. I don't mind wow wow wubzy, the Backyardigans & Doodlebops but believe me seeing someone my age or even older and holding a conversation with a perfect stranger, some how calms my frazzled nerves.

This is my intro.. now be prepared.. sometimes I can be deep. :o)

You can expect me to be unedited, sometimes hasty, sometimes weeping but other times.. just as Happy-Go-Lucky, as one can be.. but I am potentially a little crazy! :o)